I’m like a mature 45

She wants to believe that her 23rd birthday (adding up to 5) today will take her several notches up, professionally. She has ten films on hand, and is romancing Hrithik Roshan (Kites), Abhishek Bachchan (Crooked), Ajay Devgn (Once Upon a Time in Mumbai) R Madhavan (Tanu Weds Manu) and Akshaye Khanna (No Problem). But, of course, it isn’t all roses for this mountain beauty who still feels like a little girl lost in Mumbai.

“I’m guessing this will be an extra special birthday,” says Kangna. “Professionally I’m rocking. There’s so much work happening that I barely have time to hear myself think. I want it that way because this is the time for work,” she says, pointing out that the shelf life of Bollywood heroines has shrunk to around six years. “Bollywood plays by its own rules. It is never about your talent here. It is always about which hero is romancing you on screen. I’m super-confident about my talent but if you judge me only by which heroes I’m working with, then you may argue that I’m not even in the race. However, as far as I’m concerned, my career has gained momentum. And, I’m making the niche I need to,” says the National Award winning actress.

But at the same time, Kangna laments she’s got no personal life. “I believe that if one has to have emotional growth then he/she needs a personal life. I’m currently single and not about to mingle. In this mad race for stardom, I sometimes feel I’m missing out on what I would say are life’s essential moments. I’m not in a relationship but the thought is always there at the back of my head. I wonder if lack of a personal life will stunt my growth as a person. But these are fleeting thoughts. As I hop from studio to studio, my love life is put on the back-burner,” she says.

The actress admits that she may be 23 but in her head, she’s as mature as a 45-year-old. And as she reflects on her life today, she realises that her goal for the moment may be superstardom. But she sometimes fears she is chasing a hollow dream. “If I want to be actually enlightened, like I do, I need to set a larger goal for myself. I want to turn director someday, I need to make place for a permanent relationship. I need to look for the rainbow. Perhaps these are the things that will complete me. Who knows? But I’m looking.”

- Madhumathi